I know I kind of promised that my next post would be one of peace, tranquility and happy thoughts ... but somehow I feel that I cannot write about what I've been through here in the last 3,5 months without adding this next post. So in case you only want to read happy and positive posts about travelling and such ... you better skip this one ;-)
It feels good to get it out in the open but I'm counting down the days to when this is all going to be over. And with that I don't mean that I feel like I have to return to Belgium ... I just need this Insead period to be over and done with. And really, I can understand that for Wim this is one of the most exciting years of his life, and I am really happy for him ... but everything evolves around Insead Insead Insead.
In the beginning that I was here and we went to a party, some people at first probably thought that I was a student ... imagine the look on their face when I had to 'admit' to them that I'm just a "partner" and also one that gave up a job to be here with Wim. They all gave me a look like ... wow, that's just 15 minutes of my life I have wasted talking to you. Then after a while when people started to know me as Wim's partner they started asking different questions like "what do you do to keep yourself busy all day?" ... waiting for me to say "after having my hair done, I went shopping on Orchards Road and got a manicure afterwards" ... well the truth is that I really did enjoy myself the first 3 months (besides having to deal with these idiotic questions all the time) ... I met a few really cool people that I hope to always stay in touch with, I traveled a lot, I explored Singapore, I even followed Mandarin classes. But now that everyone has left Singapore, and after visiting about évery single place in Singapore (it really isn't thàt big), and after running out of a budget to be doing more travelling and after realising I will never ever in my life be able to say three phrases in a row that any Chinese person is ever going to understand ... I am just really ready to go back home. And the crazy thing is that with home I don't even mean Belgium, I just mean away from this entire Insead environment. Okay I must admit, I miss my friends like crazy and would do anything just to see them again so I could go out to diner with them, or for a drink or to a club or whatever. But I also just miss the friends I made here ... so to be honest I just miss having a job, I miss having people that I can talk to about other subjects than about their job before, the jobs they want to apply for, their stocks, the courses they are folowing, the work they have to do for these courses ..... AAAAAaaaggghhh, really ... enough is enough.
I just came back from a BBQ tonight in the condo next door and I stayed there exactly 40 minutes ... after the usual conversation topics and a few shallow how-are-you-doing's (on which I always reply 'fine' but lately I've just felt like skipping fine and shouting or crying instead) ... I came back home and afterwards I feel terrible for Wim, that I left so soon, but I really can't handle it anymore. And I know I'm kind of generalizing here, there àre some students that I can talk to and that I really enjoy hanging out with ... the problem is that of the hundreds of students here I can probably count these people on both hands.
I sometimes even started doubting myself here, thinking that maybe I've suddenly become this asocial person that doesn't want to go out anymore but that's so far from my real personality ... I would still love to go out almost every night, and be busy and surround myself with friends, I love meeting new people and I usually get along with many people from different backgrounds, with different jobs, different ages ... but it's just the circumstances here. I want to have a job again, and have people be really interested in what I do and have them know that I'm not this stupid blond bimbo that likes to shop all day and talk about the performance of her maid and nanny ... I also went to university for 5 years, but here because I don't have an Insead MBA, none of that seems to matter somehow.
I warned you this wasn't going to be a pleasant post ... but one that I really needed to get off my chest.
4 opmerkingen:
Friends with no INSEAD background are on their way to rescue you ;-). Just 1 more week.
I & K
Friends in Belgium miss you and are eagerly awaiting your return!
M
Hi CC - needless to say I know perfectly how you feel :-)! Just hang in there - the end is near!!
Hi CC,
I feel sad reading your post. I experienced similar feelings in France. Here in S'pore I have a job and there have been so many times that I wished I had not, because I missed out on the chance to get to know new partners and hang out with them. What is a good balance??
At least P4 is over and you'll be going to France. Good luck this last P5. I look forward seeing you and Wim at the Spiceball.
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